


Alcohol May Be Man's Worst Enemy, but the Bible Says Love Your Enemy

by Steph_Puppet



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Don't Take This Too Seriously, Drinking & Talking, Drunk Chloe is her own character, Everything in the series would have been quicker with Drunk Chloe, F/M, Follows season 1 and 2 loosely, I probably messed up some canon moments, Jealous Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Minor Original Character(s), OOC Chloe Decker, Poor Life Choices, Really loosely, Season 1, Season 2, and she knows it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27835000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steph_Puppet/pseuds/Steph_Puppet
Summary: What?” Lucifer answered with a grin, voice suffused with amusement. “You mean you don’t remember the part where you passed out, woke up again, shouted at me,” he paused to put on a god-awful rendition of a Valley girl accent, “IT’S TOO HOT IN THIS FIVE STAR HELLHOLE”, I believe it was. Then tore your clothes off and proceeded to hog the bed?”Springing out of the bed, clutching the sheet to her chest, Chloe fought back the flush rising up her neck.“I do that… sometimes.”**In which Drunk Chloe is a bed-stealing menace and no one can stop her.
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Ella Lopez, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 136
Kudos: 300
Collections: LUCIFER_FICS_





	1. First Night

Alcohol should be illegal, was Chloe’s first thought upon waking up. Her head pounded and her mouth tasted like some unspeakable creature had crawled in there and died in the middle of the night. There was also a worrying gap in her memories of the previous evening that left her more than a little concerned. The last time she had been drunk enough to forget what she had done the night before had been years ago, which was also the last time she’d…

Nope. Not the time to remember that. Chloe had long outgrown that particular bad habit.

Blearily opening her eyes was a decision she instantly regretted. The bright light of late morning seared her retinas and worsened her headache. She would have buried herself back into the oh-so-soft sheets (seriously what were they made of?) if she hadn’t caught sight of a very familiar bra hanging off a lamp. _Her_ bra.

Suddenly a lot more sober, she snatched it and swept her gaze over the room. Expensive modern furnishings, sensual and suggestive artwork. _Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no…_ An unnecessary check under the sheets confirmed she was naked. Oh God, what had she done?

Of course, that’s when Lucifer made his presence known. Wearing little other than a black silk robe and a smug, shit-eating grin. Chloe could practically feel her dignity and pride shrivel up and die a quiet and unremarkable death as he enthusiastically expounded on their “extraordinary” night together. _Why oh why did Drunk Chloe decide to seduce him of all people? What had she been_ thinking _?_

It came as no small relief when Lucifer finally tired of torturing her and revealed they didn’t in fact sleep together. Although apparently not for lack of trying on her part. It didn’t explain her unclothed state. But even as she asked the question, much to her chagrin, she already knew the answer.

“What?” Lucifer answered with a grin, voice suffused with amusement. “You mean you don’t remember the part where you passed out, woke up again, shouted at me,” he paused to put on a god-awful rendition of a Valley girl accent, “IT’S TOO HOT IN THIS FIVE STAR HELLHOLE”, I believe it was. Then tore your clothes off and proceeded to hog the bed?”

Springing out of the bed, clutching the sheet to her chest, Chloe fought back the flush rising up her neck.

“I do that… sometimes.” She tried her best to appear unaffected but couldn’t hold back a wince. A number of old memories threatened to surface, and she hurriedly pushed them away.

“Last night was a fluke- for both of us.” Chloe lied. “Never happened. Let’s leave it at that.”

She should have known better, famous last words and all that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I thought I’d briefly dip my toes into this fandom. So this initially started off as a one-shot, but it ended up a bit too long. Because it broke really nicely into different sections all following a similar theme, I thought I’d split it into separate chapters. It’s all already written, just needs editing, and I’ll update twice a week (total of five chapters). Please don’t take it too seriously, it’s just a silly fluff piece that only loosely follows canon. I hope you enjoy the fic!


	2. Wedding Night

It was a truly awful few weeks that led to Chloe contemplating a bottle of tequila as though it held the secrets of the universe. First it had been that whole mess with Malcolm and Lucifer. Then nearly losing her friendship with Lucifer over a moment of hesitation. Nearly losing Lucifer entirely, along with her daughter and her own life to Malcolm’s desperation. Finding out about Dan gaslighting her during their marriage, and him only admitting the truth after the worst had nearly happened.

It had been rough to say the least.

She thought she had been doing a decent job of hiding how much it had been affecting her, but it turned out her acting skills were a little rusty. Her mother had taken one look at her and immediately announced she was taking Trixie away for an overnight stay. “You need a break,” Penelope insisted, and after a little convincing Chloe finally agreed.

It had been nice for a few hours. Catching up on chores, ordering junk food for dinner without having to worry about making sure there was something healthy for Trixie. But once evening set in the quiet of the apartment began to feel oppressive. She hadn’t realised how much she had been relying on her daughter as a distraction to keep her from processing everything that had happened.

That was what led to her thoughtfully pulling out a dusty bottle of tequila from the back of the cupboard. It had been a precinct Secret Santa present from before the Palmetto case, one she had never been able to bring herself to open knowing that the giver had turned on her with the rest of the station. She poured a shot and knocked it back before she could change her mind. The harsh alcohol burned her throat as it went down, providing her a pleasant numbing sensation that had her quickly pouring out more.

A few drinks surely couldn’t do any harm…

* * *

Chloe woke up the next morning to find Lucifer’s face looming over her, his brows scrunched up and his head tilted to the side like an inquisitive bird.

“Is this,” he gestured at her blanket-clad body with a broad hand, “going to be a thing with you?”

Sure enough, over the course of the night she had somehow ended up making her way to Lux and repeated her embarrassing mistake from a few weeks ago. She flushed crimson.

“No!” She bit out in response to his question. She tried to sit up only to immediately fall back down nauseously as Lucifer’s bedroom spun around her. _Why oh why had she drunk so much?_

“Really? Because this is the second time.” Lucifer reminded her brightly. No one had any business being that cheerful in the morning. “You didn’t even try to seduce me.” He exclaimed, equal parts offended and delightedly curious. “Just took your clothes off and got into my bed.”

So much for outgrowing old habits.

Mortified, Chloe picked up a pillow and slammed it over her face. Maybe if she held it tight enough, she could smother herself and not have to face him. Would it be considered suicide or death from embarrassment?

She wasn’t able to find out as her protective barrier was abruptly plucked out of her grasp.

“You know there are more fun ways to end up naked in my sheets, right?” He pointed out with a suggestive leer.

Chloe glared up at Lucifer with what little dignity she could muster. Which was admittedly difficult considering none of this was his fault and this was the second time she was inconveniencing him by commandeering his bed.

Pointedly ignoring his remark, she scrambled up to begin looking for her clothes, only for Lucifer to clear his throat and force her to turn her attention to the small, neatly folded pile he was holding.

“I normally offer my bed mates breakfast; it seems fitting I should offer the same to you even if you aren’t a bed mate in the _traditional_ sense of the word.”

“Thank you.” Chloe grumbled out, accepting a proffered cup of strong coffee and breathing in the scent deeply. “I’m sorry.” She managed to say with real sincerity. “This won’t happen again.”

He gave her a look that said he wasn’t sure whether to believe her.

* * *

“You’re not drinking, sweetheart?” Penelope asked.

It was one of their monthly dinners. A tradition they’d had since as long as Chloe had been an adult. One designed to make sure they still regularly saw each other, as without it she was sure her mother with her busy schedule would forget to visit her altogether.

“No.” Chloe raised her head from where she’d been glaring at the glass of red wine the waiter had poured for her. “I’m not in the mood.”

Penelope shifted uneasily. A familiar look came over her face, one that she recognised as an expression that said her mother was preparing for an uncomfortable conversation. Like when she’d had to tell Chloe that her rabbit had died or that Dad wouldn’t be home in time to read her a story. 

Chloe frowned, trying to think of what she had said to set that look off, and her eyes widened comically when she finally made the connection.

“I’m _not_ pregnant.” She said emphatically.

“Well thank God for that.” Penelope sagged back in her chair, noticeably relieved. “Oh don’t look at me like that,” she waved a hand flippantly at Chloe’s insulted expression. “You’re not even divorced yet. It’s hardly the right time for you to saddle yourself with a baby. Especially since you so _decisively_ reminded me earlier today that you have no intention of rekindling your relationship with Dan.”

“Your confidence in me is overwhelming, Mom.”

Penelope ignored her sarcasm. “Well if it isn’t that, then why aren’t you drinking? You can’t blame me for jumping to conclusions when you always have a drink when we have dinner.”

“Can’t I just not feel like it?” Chloe sniped back defensively. “I don’t _want_ wine. Why does it have to be more complicated than that?”

“ _Oh_.” A look of slow realisation dawned on her mother. Chloe hadn’t been as subtle as she thought. “Is it happening again?” Penelope asked delicately.

Chloe’s stabbed her steak with more violence than was needed. She knew there was no use denying it. As usual, her mother had seen right to the heart of the matter. “Yes.” She ground out sullenly, viciously sawing at the meat.

“I thought you’d grown out of that habit.”

“ _Apparently not_.”

The two fell into a terse silence as they continued to eat their meals.

Penelope picked at her salad thoughtfully. “You know, I always thought Dan overreacted horribly at the wedding.”

“Mom.” Chloe interrupted wearily, not wanting to hear the story again.

Unconcerned for her daughter’s embarrassment, Penelope blithely continued. “I mean, it was the maid of honour. It wasn’t like you chose to pass out in your birthday suit in the best man’s bed.”

“ _Mom!_ ” Chloe dropped her head into her hands, willing the earth to swallow her up.

She still remembered that night in horrifyingly vivid detail. She had left Dan waiting in their hotel suite for hours, where he had no doubt been eagerly looking forward to enjoying their wedding night. Instead he had been left to pace with increasing worry until he eventually went looking for her.

After questioning a few clueless waiters, and an amused bartender to whom Drunk Chloe had announced her intentions; he finally tracked down the still partying maid of honour, Alice, and convinced her to let him into her room. That was where he found a nude Chloe contently sleeping in Alice’s bed. Alice thought the whole situation was hilarious and had not helped Dan’s mood by cackling like an insane witch. Of course, _she_ had been used to Drunk Chloe’s s bedtime antics. It had been a running joke between them for almost the entirety of their friendship in college and after, that an inebriated Chloe’s choice of sleep location was any bed that wasn’t hers.

It was an unfortunate quirk that up to that point she had managed to hide from Dan. Chloe had been woken abruptly, to the sight of Dan’s angry red face glaring down at her as he shook her awake. He had calmed down slightly once it was explained to him that it wasn’t a sexual thing, just a stupid drunk thing, but his discomfort and distaste for it never really went away. They didn’t end up having a proper wedding night in the end, and for the duration of their marriage Chloe was very careful about her alcohol intake. A glass of wine at dinner or a beer after work were her only indulgences. Moderate consumption and nothing that would lead to potential Dan-angering antics. All made the easier when Alice was forced to move to the other side of the country for work and Chloe lost her usual drinking and mischief buddy.

When their marriage crumbled and they finally decided to separate, for the first time in years Chloe decided to get well and truly off-her-face drunk. Trixie was staying overnight at Dan’s and it felt like the first opportunity to truly and openly mourn the end of her marriage. It was also the first time that she got blackout drunk and woke up in her own bed, still dressed. She had taken that as a sign that her naked bed-hogging days were finally over. A theory that held up the next few times she had had a few too many.

Clearly, she had been lured into a false sense of security.

But still, it had only happened twice again so far. Something happening once was a mistake. Twice was a coincidence. It was only when something happened for a third time that a pattern could be established.

She just had to make sure there was never a third time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Chloe… didn’t you learn about famous last words from last chapter? So this chapter was primarily written to give some backstory and some additional build up. The next two chapters are my favourites because we actually get to spend some time with Drunk Chloe rather than just witnessing the aftermath.


	3. Date Night

“So… your divorce is finally finalised?”

“You don’t need to look so pleased about it.” Chloe grumbled, shooting a dark look at her too-smug partner.

“Oh I’m only thinking about all the _possibilities_ that lay before you now that you have finally cut ties with Detective Douche. Rebound sex-” Chloe choked on her coffee, “is meant to be one of the perks of breaking up, isn’t it?”

She wasn’t sure how Lucifer could manage to look so innocent while discussing a subject that was anything but.

“No!” She spluttered. “It _isn’t_. The whole problem with rebound sex is that it’s empty and hollow and doesn’t actually make you feel any better about the break-up.”

“Oh.” Lucifer deflated disappointedly as whatever idealised, movie-inspired fantasy he had been envisioning was mercilessly crushed. In true devilish fashion, it didn’t take long for him to perk back up. “Still, never hurts to try. How about it, Detective?”

“No.” She said firmly, in the same tone of voice she used whenever Trixie tried to wheedle her way into getting more cake. “Now get your head out of the gutter, we’re here to speak to the victim’s brother. We have to break the news about a loved one dying and he’s bound to be upset, I don’t want you making it any more difficult for him.”

He gave her a pitying look. “I doubt anything I do will make it worse for him if this is where he’s staying. I could throw a Mardi Gras parade in his room and he wouldn’t care.”

“What are you talking about?” Chloe asked exasperatedly, pushing open the door to the hospital room that they had been directed to by the nurse’s station.

“Just saying, I don’t think you’ll get anything useful from him.” He said with a grim smile and jerked his head to the bed.

Narrowing her eyes, she looked over and immediately realised what Lucifer had meant.

“Oh hell,” she swore, “why wasn’t this on the file?”

The victim’s brother, a certain Aidan Smith whose hospitalisation was apparently a crucial piece of the puzzle of Brandon Smith’s death, lay unresponsive on the bed, hooked up to several machines. It was immediately evident that he wasn’t in any condition to answer questions.

A male nurse finished adjusting the dosage of an IV and turned towards them.

“Hello, can I help you?” Unbidden, a rush of blood filled Chloe’s cheeks as the handsome man sent a particularly dazzling smile in her direction. She coughed to clear her throat slightly and reminded herself sternly that she was working and needed to remain professional.

“Sorry for the intrusion.” She showed him her badge. “We were hoping to speak to Mr Smith about his brother.”

“I’m afraid he won’t be able to help you, he’s been in a coma for the last six weeks.”

Chloe flushed again. “Y-yes I can see that,” she stuttered. She felt the weight of Lucifer’s piercing gaze boring into her. Of course he’d noticed. The unobservant bastard only ever saw things she was trying to hide. “Unfortunately, that information wasn’t made clear to us. Would you be able to tell us if Mr Smith has had any recent visitors?”

It turned out Aidan Smith had several visitors over the last few weeks, one of whom was very likely to be their killer. Luckily Aidan’s assigned nurse, Richard (as he had charmingly introduced himself), had spoken to most of them.

As Chloe continued to question him on the various people that had come by, she noticed Lucifer become progressively snarkier and more sullen. Like a little boy sulking because he was no longer the centre of attention. And just like a little boy he resorted to immature and petty insults, taking every opportunity to mock the nurse’s name by addressing him as “Dick” while asking pointed and disparaging questions.

Chloe did her best to convey an apology in her eyes as she interrupted what was sure to be yet another offensive insinuation. Richard gave her a small understanding smile in response. To his credit he never reacted to Lucifer’s childish attitude, just calmly answered the questions no matter how ridiculous. She could tell it infuriated her partner that he was unable to get under the other man’s skin.

“You’ve been a huge help, thank you so much.” She said, flipping her notebook closed as she finished off her last note. Admittedly, she did exaggerate the gratitude. Partly out of attraction and partly because she knew it would annoy Lucifer. She was normally the one that had to suffer through him flirting with witnesses and suspects. Turnabout was fair play, after all. 

It helped that she had warmed considerably to Richard over the course of her questioning.

“Anything to help the LAPD.” Richard gave them both a winsome smile that turned decidedly flirty as he looked at her. “Detective, if I may have a quick word in private?”

Despite her earlier vow of professionalism, Chloe valiantly struggled to restrain a giggle. “Sure. Lucifer do you mind?”

“Yes.” He snapped.

“Tough. Go wait in the car, I’ll be out in a moment.” For a moment it looked as though he might refuse, but with one last burning glare at the nurse, Lucifer turned on his heels and left the room.

“I hope this isn’t appropriate,” Richard began once Lucifer had gone, stepping closer to her, “but I was wondering whether you might be interested in getting dinner one night?”

“No it’s not inappropriate at all,” She quickly said, “and yes, I’d love to.”

“Great.” He beamed.

They exchanged numbers and Chloe left the room with a spring in her step.

Damn but it was good to feel attractive and desired. She had almost forgotten what it was like. It had been a while since someone had shown genuine interest without an ulterior motive. Other than Lucifer of course, who didn’t count because his type seemed to be anyone that fell under the label of human (and if you believed his devil talk, then maybe that wasn’t where he drew the line).

The good mood lasted all the way to the car where she saw Lucifer slumped in his seat and glaring at her radio as though it had personally insulted him.

“What did Nurse Dick want?” He asked darkly, not bothering to look at her.

“He asked me out on a date.”

That got his attention. “Seriously? He asked you on date while in a room with a coma patient? What sort of classless bore is he? Please tell me you didn’t actually say yes.”

“Well _you_ were the one reminding me of all the _possibilities_ ahead of me now that I am single.” Chloe reminded him. “Besides, he was handsome and helpful.”

“ _Too_ helpful.” Lucifer insisted. “Downright suspiciously so. And when I was talking about possibilities, I didn’t mean you should get in bed with the first person to show interest.”

“Well I’m not,” She pointed out, “you were the first to show interest since the divorce, and I’m certainly not getting into bed with you.”

She probably shouldn’t have been surprised that Lucifer gave her the silent treatment for the rest of the ride home.

* * *

The restaurant was a nice, mid-market Italian she had been to before. The walls were adorned with hand-painted maps of the country, and the small, intimately spaced tables covered in cheesy green and red check tablecloths evoked nostalgic childhood memories of eating chicken parm with her Dad on Father’s day. From what she recalled, the food was nice and the warm cosy atmosphere perfect for a date. Maybe a bit of a cliché choice. A part of her was fairly certain this was where she and Dan had their first official date, but who was she to complain?

Richard rose to greet her with a wide smile. They made the usual small talk. He complimented her on her appearance and Chloe made some inoffensive comment about the restaurant. He pulled her chair out for her and as she took her seat, she couldn’t help but think that he lacked the practiced grace of her partner. She shook her head trying to dispel the thought. This night was supposed to be about her having some nice, easy post-divorce fun. She wasn’t going to ruin it by spending most of the evening thinking of Lucifer, of all people.

Taking his own chair, Richard tugged over the wine list and flicked open the pages. “Should we get a bottle of wine?”

Chloe shrugged with a small hopeful smile. “Why not?”

After all, what was the harm? Trixie was staying over at a friend’s, and with Brandon Smith’s case resolved (thanks to the handsome nurse she was dining with) she had no pressing need to get to the precinct early the next morning. Worst case scenario, if she had a few too many she would likely do the normal drunken thing and allow him to take her home. And honestly, that didn’t sound like a terrible idea. It had been nearly a year now since she had last been intimate with someone and she missed having that feeling of closeness with another person. That feeling of being desired and cherished, even if just for one night.

Richard poured a generous serving of the dark red liquid for her. She took the glass and lightly clinked it with his before taking a long sip.

Over the course of the evening, the one bottle of wine rapidly turned into two. Chloe felt herself relaxing more and more into her seat as the alcohol gradually peeled away her inhibitions. It left her feeling warm and mellow and she found herself tuning out Richard’s dull stories of working on the ward. She nodded and hummed in the appropriate places, draining her glass frequently to stave off the boredom. She hadn’t realised how dull a coma ward could be until someone tried to make working there seem exciting.

By the end of the meal (and the end of the wine), Sober Chloe was long gone. Richard was similarly affected. Two bright spots of red coloured his cheeks, and she found herself musing that if he only had a red nose and a wig then he might make a passable imitation of a clown.

“Nightcap?” Richard suggested casually, placing a handful of bills on the table.

Even in her inebriated state she knew what that offer really meant. Drunk Chloe took a long moment to think about it, rolling her tongue over her teeth consideringly. “Sure.” She agreed mildly. Another drink did sound fun.

Richard grinned, a smouldering look of satisfaction coming over him. “Your place or mine?” He asked huskily.

“Neither.” She said without a trace of guile. “I’m going to Lucifer’s.”

“Oh,” he floundered for a minute, clearly thrown off by the unexpected response. “Is that a hotel?” The bright gleam re-entered his eyes as he no doubt imagined what sort of seedy den of debauchery might be named after the prince of darkness. “I’m game if you are.”

“No Richard.” Drunk Chloe replied patronisingly, patting him on the cheek. “I had a wonderful time, but you are not the Devil I’m getting in bed with tonight.”

“The… what?” While Richard tried to come to terms with the strange turn of the night and the sudden realisation that the woman he had wined and dined was not the easy lay he had been expecting, Chloe rose to her feet unsteadily.

“Remember me fondly, _Dick_ ,” she declared dramatically, “for I shall surely forget you. Goodbye.”

Drunk Chloe staggered out of the restaurant, leaving behind a befuddled nurse, and headed to the curb to hail a taxi.

* * *

Lucifer’s evening was certainly shaping up to be better than his day. After resigning himself to the fact that the Detective had agreed to take him up on his advice, just not with him, he had spent the night roaming the floor of Lux trying to find a sufficient distraction.

As always one had eventually presented itself. A rather delicious married couple looking to spice up their sex life by adding in a third. At first glance they might not have seemed like the most adventurous of choices, but the husband was clearly not as heterosexual as his wife thought and Lucifer was rather looking forward to seeing if she would eventually realise that fact as the night progressed.

He was standing rather comfortably, sandwiched between two warm still-dressed bodies, mentally reviewing the list of activities he had planned for them, when his attention and the attention of his guests was caught by a demure small-heeled shoe sailing past them to smack into a nearby wall.

Lucifer followed the trajectory of the unconventional projectile to find the Detective standing between the open elevator doors and swaying slightly on the spot. She was staring down at her outstretched bare foot as though trying to figure out where her shoe had gone. And now that he was paying attention, he realised that the off tune humming he thought was coming from outside was actually coming from her.

Well, so much for “This won’t happen again”.

He couldn’t help but feel hopelessly fond of her, even if her drunken antics were going to be thwarting his fun. 

“Did you invite a fourth to join us?” The lovely redheaded named Kitty asked, trailing a hand down his chest. He caught it before it could venture too adventurously downwards.

“Sadly no.” He gave an exaggerated sigh, “and I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut our evening short, my darlings.”

“What- why?” Kitty’s handsome husband protested, a distinct whine in his voice that immediately had Lucifer re-evaluating his attractiveness.

“Well I can hardly proceed with our lovely little threesome when my dear friend needs my help, can I?” He pointed out. In unison they all turned to look back at Chloe, who was at that point hopping on one foot as she tried to unbuckle her remaining heel with all the grace of a drunken elephant.

“Does she do this often?” Kitty asked curiously as Lucifer shepherded her and her husband to the vacated elevator.

He didn’t have to reply as Chloe finally managed to get her shoe off and punched a fist in the air with a triumphant shout of “Yes!”

With two pairs of confused eyes on him, Lucifer shrugged helplessly and bid them a good evening. After a moment of thought he stopped the elevator doors before they closed.

“I do hate to leave someone unsatisfied,” he said with a grin that had both of them succumbing to his charms again, “if you head to the next floor down, I have a wonderful, _very flexible_ associate who I’m sure would be happy to satisfy your desires.”

His suggestion was met with twin looks of happy lust, and he mentally patted himself on the back for a job well done as the elevator doors closed and he turned back to his new guest.

Chloe had obviously been trying to take her jumper off, a lovely low-cut cream affair, but had somehow trapped herself while trying to pull it over her head. The end result was that her fetching red lace bra was proudly on display while her arms were stuck over her head and her face covered by the cream wool.

“I’m stuck.” She complained plaintively. If he could see her face, Lucifer imagined she would be pouting. She wriggled ineffectively, clearly trying to free herself. “Help me.”

“You know I always imagined that the scenario where I helped you take off your clothes would be a lot sexier.” Lucifer said with a heavy put-upon sigh. Chloe stopped moving for a second and then very deliberately shook her hips from side to side in a move that might have been seductive if she hadn’t still been trapped in wool from the shoulders up.

Lucifer was unable to bite back a laugh, and obligingly he stepped closer to help untangle her from the garment. With her face finally freed, she smiled a thousand-watt smile of gratitude at him. It didn’t take long for her gaze to darken into something far more enticing than anything his potential bed-mates had offered him.

“My hero,” she simpered in a low voice that sent a pleasant tingle below his waist. “Want to help me take the rest of this off?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Detective.”

She blew a raspberry at him. “You’re no fun.”

“Ask me again when you’re sober. You’ll find that I’m more than obliging.”

“I won’t. Sober Chloe is dumb.” She told him seriously, reaching for the buttons on her pants. Like the jumper, the pants were nicer than what she ordinarily wore. Lucifer’s lips thinned for a moment as he remembered why she was wearing them.

“Weren’t you on a date?” The date he had been desperately trying not to think about all night.

Drunk Chloe snorted derisively. “Like I said, Sober Chloe is dumb.” She moved to pull her pants down and he reluctantly turned away. A year ago he would have stayed in place and enjoyed the show. Maze was right, he was going soft _._ There was a rustle followed by the clinking sound of the buttons hitting the floor.

He nearly jumped a foot when her voice was suddenly in his ear. “You can watch, you know. I don’t mind.” The warmth of her breath against his neck made him shudder.

“I think you’ll find that you _will_ mind.” He reminded her, causing her to let out a laugh.

“It doesn’t seem right that no one will get to appreciate my lingerie set, I haven’t worn anything this sexy in ages.” The sight of her breasts clad in red lace was burned into his memory, and he wisely decided not to say anything. “Hmm… well this might not be exactly what I had in mind…”

The red bra suddenly flew past him to land on the floor. It was quickly joined by an equally sheer set of matching red panties. Lucifer swallowed heavily.

“So what do you think?” Her voice was in his ear again, and it took every ounce of willpower for Lucifer to remind himself that she was drunk and not in her right mind.

“Very nice,” he complimented, trying his best to sound unaffected, “red’s my favourite colour. I’m sure you look delectable in it, darling.”

He felt an exasperated puff of air hit his neck and had the distinct impression he had not given her the response she wanted.

“Well if that’s all,” she drew out the last word, “you know where to find me. Feel free to join me, I’d _hate_ to think what sleeping on the couch would do to your back.”

Lucifer waited, listening for the sound of her footsteps fading as she headed away from him and to his bedroom. With his heightened sense of hearing, he remained in place until the soft rustle of sheets eventually stopped as she settled into his bed. Only then did he release a shaky breath and run a distracted hand through his hair.

Cold shower, he decided firmly and immediately headed to the guest room en suite. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don’t know/remember when Chloe and Dan actually got divorced, either way I just assumed it happened pretty early in season 2. This is the chapter that earned the ‘Jealous Lucifer’ tag, I hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Tribe Night

“Ella, do you do anything particularly… strange when you’ve had too much to drink?” Chloe asked the forensics expert. They were huddled together next to a computer, waiting for the results of several forensics test to come in. It seemed as good a time as any to get some advice.

“What, like drunk text an ex?” Ella replied, nose scrunched up in confusion at the unexpected line of questioning.

“Worse than that.”

“Well yeah. I think everyone does stupid things they regret when they’re drunk.” Ella said reasonably. “I for example, steal other people’s drinks.” She confessed without a trace of embarrassment.

“What?” Chloe looked at her in shock. “ _Why_?”

Ella shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not very hygienic, but when I’m drunk I’m just too lazy and cheap to go to the bar and order my own drinks. Seems simpler to filch one while someone isn’t looking.” She tilted her head to the side and fixed Chloe with a firm look. “What do _you_ do?”

“Nothing.” Chloe denied reflexively, only to receive a disbelieving look in return. She let out a sigh and fidgeted uncomfortably. “It’s really stupid and I’d rather not say.” She admitted eventually and promptly redirected the conversation. “Have you ever tried to stop yourself from stealing drinks?”

“Yeah, right after I got banned from my favourite drinking hole in Detroit.” Ella said after a moment of thought. “I found the best way to stop myself was to make sure I never went drinking on my own, and I always went with a friend who knew what I might do.” She explained. “I think the easiest way to avoid doing something stupid when you’re so uninhibited, is to make sure there’s someone else to keep an eye on you and remind you not to do it.”

Chloe mulled it over in her mind. “That’s a good idea.” She had never considered it. Alice had always thought it too funny to actually try to stop her.

“You know,” Ella began with a grin full of mischief, “if you need a drinking buddy _I’m_ available. You already know my little drunken secret, if you tell me yours maybe we can both help each other?”

She hesitated, still unwilling to admit the truth out loud to someone not already in the know. Hell, she still couldn’t even talk about it with Lucifer and he’d had to put up with her antics no less than three times already.

“Hey,” Ella called to get her attention. Her gaze was softer, less curious and more understanding. “Look, if you don’t feel comfortable telling me everything, maybe you can tell me what I can do to help?”

That seemed reasonable. Chloe thought it over for a few minutes for the best way to phrase it. “If I ever go drinking with you,” she began carefully, “I need you to make sure I go home at the end of the night.” She hesitated again. “And when I say make sure, I mean you may actually need to come with me in the Uber and _possibly_ lock me in my house.”

Ella’s eyes widened comically in surprise and blatant curiosity. “Oh damn, now I _really_ want to know what the big secret is. But whatever dude, anything you need I’m there for you. I’ll straight up stand guard outside your house if you need me to.”

Hopefully she would never need to find out, Chloe thought. She might actually die of mortification if anyone else did.

* * *

The first Tribe night, as it came to be dubbed, despite a number of antics going on hadn’t ended with Drunk Chloe making an ill-advised visit to Lucifer’s penthouse. The night had been a bit of a balancing act, drinking just enough to keep the others satisfied but not so much that she tipped over the line of tipsy. It had probably helped that her focus had remained on the ongoing case for the whole night.

Unfortunately, none of that was the case with the second tribe night.

Chloe thought she could replicate her previous success and had very carefully monitored her alcohol intake, sneaking in glasses of soda between drinks under the pretence that they contained vodka. This might even have worked if Maze hadn’t been sneaking tequila shots in her drinks when she wasn’t looking.

She barely noticed when Mostly Sober Chloe bowed out for the night.

With Maze and Linda out on the dancefloor and Ella in the bathroom, Drunk Chloe dismissively waved away a greasy-looking businessman that had seized the opportunity to hit on the lone woman left at the table, and pulled out her phone. Her lips curved into a predatory smile as she lightly tapped away a text. She had managed to send two by the time a shadow passed over her, dragging her attention away from the screen.

“What are you doing?” Ella asked suspiciously, casually picking up a nearby glass that definitely wasn’t hers and draining it.

“Nothing.” Drunk Chloe replied, looking up at the forensic scientist innocently. The phone was abruptly snatched out of her loose grip.

Ella’s jaw went slack as she read what was on the screen. “Oh my God, _Chloe_!”

“What?”

“You can’t just…” Ella collapsed into a chair in a fit of giggles. It took her a moment to compose herself. “Is it bad that I want to know what his response will be?”

Meanwhile elsewhere in the city, the vibration of the phone on the glass coffee table interrupted the comfortable silence of the Lux penthouse. Lucifer had been having one of his rare quiet nights in and his brow furrowed in annoyance at the intrusion. He put down his copy of Don Quixote, carefully marking the page, and flipped the phone over to see the incoming messages.

_Chloe: I’ve been a very bad sinner_

_Chloe: Too bad there isn’t a devil nearby to punish me ;) ;)_

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. If it had been anyone else that had dared to so blatantly mock him, he might have been tempted to unleash a bit of hell fire and remind them exactly why he wasn’t someone to make a fool of, but Chloe was the exception to every rule. He chuckled in amusement and started typing out a response.

“Oh God, he’s replying.” Ella said, eyes fixed on the phone in morbid curiosity.

Drunk Chloe made an attempt to snatch it back but Ella shifted away, holding the device firmly out of reach. A soft ding announced the message back. She read it quickly and grinned as she glanced over at the pouting Detective. “He wants to know how much you’ve had to drink.”

“Enough.” She answered with a smile and held out her hand. “Give it back so I can reply.”

“Oh I don’t think you can be trusted with this.” Ella said, shaking her head. “You,” she pointed at Chloe, “are a drunken menace and I’m sure once you sober up you are going to be _very_ grateful that I stopped you from texting him anything else you might regret.”

Another ding interrupted the conversation. Ella returned her attention to the screen, but this time her brow furrowed in confusion.

“ _Should I be expecting another night-time visit?_ ” She read the message out loud. She turned to Chloe with what could only be described as a scandalised expression on her face. “What is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“It’s the stupid thing I do when I’m drunk,” Drunk Chloe explained, with nowhere near the amount of embarrassment and self-consciousness of her sober self, “I take my clothes off and sleep in Lucifer’s bed.”

For a while, Ella could only stare at her in shock and disbelief. “ _What_?” She gasped out. “I mean, I knew whatever you were hiding must have been bad, but _what?!”_ She squeaked loudly, only stopping because the high-pitched noise was starting to attract attention. “Why would you do that?” She hissed once everyone stopped looking at them.

Drunk Chloe gave her a pointed look. “I would have thought that was obvious. Although,” she looked off consideringly, “normally it’s just any random bed.” She shrugged dismissively. “Anyway, you might as well tell him yes. I am planning to crash at his penthouse when the night is over.”

“ _No_ , you aren’t.” Ella gave her a pitying look as she placed a hand over her heart. “I promised you when you were sober that I would make sure you went home and stayed there and that is a promise I intend to keep.”

“What? But that’s not fair…” Drunk Chloe whined. “I haven’t been stopping you from stealing other people’s drinks, why do you get to spoil _my_ fun.”

Behind them a man turned back to his table and looked around in bewilderment, trying to figure out where his beer had disappeared to. Ella discreetly moved her glass to the floor.

“Because I’m your friend.” Ella declared. “And to prove it, I’m going to let Lucifer know that there won’t be any shenanigans tonight.” She took the phone in hand and read out loud as she composed a text back. “Hi Lucifer, this is Ella. I have confiscated Chloe’s phone and will ensure she goes home tonight. Have a nice evening.” She pressed send and tucked the phone into the back pocket of her jeans. “There,” Ella said triumphantly, “that’s taken care of, and you can have your phone back in the morning.”

“You’re right, Ella.” Drunk Chloe said, looking chagrined. “It is a bad habit, and one I should probably stop. Thank you for helping me see that.”

“You are welcome.” Ella beamed, before something in her expression shifted. “Now come on, let’s go sit somewhere else.” She tugged Chloe up none-too-gently, glancing behind them with a terse smile. “That couple just got back from the dancefloor and realised their shots are missing.”

The night started winding down soon after that, with Linda finally exhausted after hours of keeping up with Maze’s energetic dancing. Maze promptly disappeared with a leather-clad biker chick, presumably for the night, and Ella and Chloe carefully deposited Linda into a taxi.

“Uber to yours?” Ella suggested, her and Chloe still standing by the curb. Chloe seemed to have sobered up considerably since their talk earlier.

“You don’t need to come home with me,” Chloe protested, “I don’t want to give you any trouble.”

“It’s no problem at all.” Ella waved off her protestations. “Besides, someone needs to make sure you don’t sneak out.” She pinned Chloe with a look of mock suspicion. “Can’t have you interrupting Lucifer’s beauty sleep.” She was still highly amused by Chloe’s confession and was already planning to ask Lucifer about it the next day. He must have some hilarious stories of Chloe’s drunken antics if this had been going on for long.

Chloe looked really touched. “You’re a really good friend, Ella.” She had that slightly weepy look in her eye that women the world over tend to get when they are drunk and overwhelmed with love for their friends. She moved closer to Ella and wrapped her up in big hug, which the forensic scientist eagerly returned. Chloe pulled away slightly, still holding Ella’s arms as she looked at her with a small smile. “And I’m almost sorry for doing this.” 

Before Ella could realise what was happening, she felt something cold wrap around her wrist and heard the distinct metallic click of a lock. Looking down at her hand she realised with growing horror that what she had felt was a handcuff and that the other end was wrapped around a nearby lamppost.

Chloe immediately stepped out of reach, a manic grin decorating her face and Ella realised that she had vastly underestimated her drunken friend. And her acting talents, because the woman in front of her was certainly not as sober as she had thought.

“ _Chloe_ …” Ella said slowly, trying to infuse some sort of threat into her voice and failing miserably, “give me the keys.”

Still grinning like a naughty child, Drunk Chloe shook her head. “Nope,” she said with a pop, “can’t do that. You’ve already said you’d stop me, and I can’t let you get in the way of my cunning secret plan.”

Yep. Definitely not sober.

Ella desperately tugged on the handcuff, but it was from Chloe’s work set and it did not budge. Looking back, she realised that her misbehaving Detective was starting to back away. “Don’t you dare, Chloe Decker!” Ella shouted. She would had used her middle name if she had known it. “I mean it!”

“I’m sorry, Ella.” Drunk Chloe raised her hands in a ‘what can you do’ gesture. “But the heart wants what it wants.”

“Chloe… Chloe!!”

It was no use and Ella watched in frustration as she cheerily skipped out of earshot and hailed a taxi.

Cursing her own trusting nature, Ella stood awkwardly next to the lamppost until she abruptly remembered that she still had Chloe’s phone in her back pocket. Yanking it out, she called a number from memory.

“Hey bro! Listen, I need you to come to Saul’s Irish Bar and bring some bolt-cutters.” She paused to listen. “No, I’m not breaking in!” She shouted, insulted at the suggestion. “My friend handcuffed me to a lamppost.” Once the laughter on the other end finally died down and she got her brother’s confirmation that he would be by as soon as possible, Ella settled in for the long wait.

Well at least she had a good story to embarrass Chloe with the next day.

* * *

Lucifer had always been a light sleeper. He’d had to be. There were no safe areas in hell and he always needed to be on his guard in case of an attack. So when he felt fingers stroking through his hair, it was enough to rouse him but the touch was gentle enough that he didn’t immediately lash out. He wasn’t in hell, he reminded himself. There was no kindness in hell. He allowed himself to relax into the caress. It was rather pleasant.

He cracked open an eye to see the Detective sitting on his bed beside him, an unmistakably tender look in her eyes. “Hello.” She said softly, continuing to run her hand through his sleep-tousled curls.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.” He replied, voice still rough from sleep.

“I managed to escape my captor,” she gave him a mischievous little smile. “Besides, you’d have missed me if I didn’t come.”

Surprisingly that was true. He had been rather disappointed when Ella had texted him back to say Chloe wouldn’t be coming over. It had been a while since the last time, when she had run out of his flat utterly mortified that she had ended her date with Nurse Dick in Lucifer’s bed. She hadn’t been able to look at him at work the next day, so much so that he had actually restrained himself from making any snarky comments about knowing she liked him more than that presumptuous little upstart.

“Maybe a little.” He conceded, making her roll her eyes. She was still wearing clothes, he noticed, and she didn’t appear to be in her normal rush to remove them. Still, he was rather comfortable and sleepy and not particularly in the mood to get up and sleep elsewhere if she was planning her usual mischief.

“If you’re wanting to do your regular scheduled naked bed hogging,” he began with a suggestive smile, “I’m afraid I’m not willing to move, but there _is_ a guest room where you can steal the covers to your heart’s content.”

“That would rather defeat the point, wouldn’t it?” She gave him a conspiratorial smile that suggested he ought to know what she was talking about. “Besides who said anything about you moving?” She returned his suggestive look with a purr in her voice, “you’re perfect exactly where you are.”

Well he’d tried.

“You won’t be happy about it when you sober up.” He reminded her, watching as she stood to begin undressing.

“Psshh,” she said dismissively, waving away his concerns. “Just remind me that it was my idea.” She stopped unbuttoning her blouse to move closer to the bed. Her fingers sank into his hair again and he allowed his eyelids to drift shut as he was filled with a warm sense of contentment. “Go back to sleep.” She said softly. He felt her press her lips to his forehead in a tender kiss. “I promise I won’t take advantage of you.” Humour coloured her voice and he snorted in amusement just before he allowed himself to drift back off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I will admit to a canon deviation here. Chloe did get blackout drunk in the first Tribe Night in the show, which was important as that was when she agreed to Maze becoming her roommate. I could argue that in this fic she doesn’t because she’s being way more careful about drinking, but honestly its because I had the whole idea with Ella and didn’t want to try to merge it with the episode. I can’t decide if this chapter or last chapter is my favourite, but I’d be interested to know what you guys think. Next chapter is the last one and will wrap everything up, see you then.


	5. Morning After

Swearing was something that occurred plenty often in Lucifer’s bed, but when it did it was usually more positive and didn’t tend to happen while he was _still sleeping_. Of course with Chloe, nothing was normal and that was why he woke that morning to the sound of her reciting every swear word in the English language.

Opening his eyes revealed she had her back to him, sheet pulled closely to her to protect her modesty as she retrieved her clothes from where she had tossed them in the night. She presented a sharp contrast to the woman of the previous night who had stroked his hair and kissed his forehead. Lucifer wondered whether he had made a mistake staying in bed after her arrival instead of moving to the spare room as he had every other time she had turned up at his penthouse drunk.

“You!” Chloe shouted as soon as she realised he was awake. Those beautiful blue eyes that had looked at him so fondly the night before were now as cold as a glacier. “What happened last night? Why are you _naked_?”

“What do you mean what happened?” Lucifer asked, utterly baffled as to why she was so angry. “You did your usual thing.”

“Yes,” She said furiously through gritted teeth. “ _I get that_. But why are _you_ naked?”

“Because I was already asleep when you showed up!” Lucifer defended himself incredulously. “I told you that you could take the spare room but you refused.”

“You sleep naked?” She asked disbelievingly, a harsh look to her that dared him to contradict her.

“Do I really seem like a pyjamas and slippers sort of Devil to you?” He pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

That final declaration seemed to take the wind out of her sails. The self-righteous anger leaked from her like dye from a fabric and left her pale-faced and uncertain. It always seemed to take her a few hours to remember what she had done the night before and it was obvious that she had jumped to the wrong conclusions. 

“I really rejected the spare room?” She asked weakly. The real question she was asking was left unsaid. _Did I really get in bed with you?_

Lucifer answered both. “Yes.” He confirmed. Uncertainty was quickly replaced by embarrassment as Chloe’s entire face turned red.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out. “I… I need to go, I’m going to be late.” She was out of the bedroom before he could tell her that it was fine.

Lucifer dropped back onto the bed and let out a regretful sigh.

* * *

“Hey Chloe! I have a bone to pick with you.”

_Oh no_ …

With everything that had happened that morning, Chloe had forgotten about the forensic scientist that was no doubt pretty pissed off at her. Gritting her teeth and preparing for the inevitable telling off, she turned to face the irate woman trying to get her attention. A phone was thrust unceremoniously into her hands.

“You’re lucky I didn’t abandon that on the street.” Ella said glaring heatedly at her. “You know, like you did to _me_.”

“I’m so sorry Ella,” Chloe replied with as much sincerity and contrition as she could muster. “I don’t know what got into me, but what I did was completely unforgiveable. Were you able to get home safely? I’m sorry I didn’t check, I had… a situation to deal with.”

As quickly as Ella’s anger had come, it just as rapidly dissipated and the scientist was soon smiling again. 

“Yeah I got my brother to set me free. Your handcuffs didn’t survive the experience though.”

“That’s fine.” Getting a replacement would be a pain but it was the least of her concerns. “I am really sorry.” She repeated, still feeling guilty for how she had treated her friend.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I probably should have seen it coming. I mean damn,” Ella said, shaking her head and looking oddly impressed, “I wasn’t expecting you to be so sneaky when drunk. I can barely operate an oven and there you were hatching devious plans.”

Despite her mood, Chloe was able to crack a smile at that. Alice had always thought the same.

“So did you end up at Lucifer’s? Speaking of, you need to explain that whole thing to me because holy hell I’m half convinced I dreamt up that explanation you gave me.”

“I did.” Chloe confirmed with a cringe. She dropped her head into her hands and groaned. “I don’t think I can ever face him again, last night was the worst of all the times.”

“I’m a little scared to ask what happened.” Ella said with a grin. “I can’t imagine what could be more embarrassing than semi-regularly stealing a guy’s bed.”

“How about getting in while he’s already there?” She had never done that before. Jumped into plenty of random beds yes, but _never_ one that someone was already in.

Ella looked at her silently for a moment before abruptly throwing her head back and guffawing in laughter. “Oh man, you _didn’t_.”

“He offered me his guest room and I. Turned. Him. Down.” Chloe moaned miserably. “I might as well have ‘Desperate Clinger’ tattooed across my face.”

“Well, maybe not ‘Desperate Clinger’ but what about ‘Clearly Infatuated’?” Ella said not unkindly. At Chloe’s look of confusion, her voice softened. “I mean, haven’t you considered _why_ you keep going to him?”

“I-I…” Chloe felt unusually flustered. “I know why.” She blustered. “It’s just something I do when I’m drunk, I always climb into a random bed.”

“But it’s not just any _random_ bed.” Ella pointed out. “You told me that getting into a random bed is what you _normally_ do. Going to the trouble of travelling to Lux each time you drink too much doesn’t seem very random to me.”

Chloe stayed silent. Ella watched her for a moment, biting her lip as though uncertain whether to press further.

“Look, tell me if I’m overstepping here.” Ella said finally. “But it has been said that ‘the drunk mind speaks the sober heart’, and you were pretty clear about what it was you wanted last night. Have you considered that maybe you have feelings for Lucifer and that’s what you’ve been acting on when your inhibitions have been lowered?”

Chloe continued to remain silent, but inside her thoughts were racing in turmoil. Because Ella was _right_.

“It doesn’t matter.” She replied hollowly. “It would never work.” 

“Why not?”

“Because it’s _Lucifer_.” Chloe snapped, although with no real heat to her anger. Before she knew what she was doing, she was pouring out a dozen excuses that were all seared into her memory. “He’s… immature and reckless… and he doesn’t like kids! How is that going to work when I have Trixie in my life? And he’s sex-mad, I don’t think he’s ever even been in a _real_ relationship. What do you think will happen the first time I have to say ‘No Lucifer, you can’t go have sex with that model’? He’ll drop me like a brick, and what about if he gets bored? I just…” The onslaught finally slowed as Chloe caught her breath. “I just don’t know if I can do that, Ella.” She finished brokenly.

Ella didn’t respond for a long time, allowing Chloe to collect herself after her outburst. “Sounds like you’ve really put some thought into this.” She said. “Have you actually spoken to Lucifer to see what he thinks?”

Chloe flinched. “No.” She admitted. “But he can’t… he won’t…” she trailed off, unable to find the words under Ella’s close scrutiny.

“Are you sure about that?” Ella prodded gently. Mutely, Chloe shook her head. “I hate to say it, but maybe your crazy drunken antics were a way to try to get you both a bit more used to the idea. You know, starting to make a place for yourself in his life outside of work. And… you never actually said, but I assume he never took advantage despite you _literally_ jumping into his bed?”

“He didn’t.” Chloe confirmed and then blushed. “No matter what I did.” _Oh God, she had thrown her underwear at him so he could admire them without violating her privacy._

“I mean, if he didn’t think you were worth more than a one-night strand, then why wouldn’t he take the chance when you offered it to him?” Ella pointed out. “I’m not sure you’re giving him enough credit, Chloe. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes that he has feelings for you.”

“Really?” Chloe asked warily. A part of her had started to worry that with the number of times he had rejected her now, that maybe he wasn’t as interested in her as he pretended to be.

“Really.” Ella confirmed. “Just t _alk_ to him. The worst he can do is say no. Be brave!” She encouraged her with a slap to the back. “Just think, WWDCD- What Would Drunk Chloe Do? But you know, just try it _without_ the alcohol this time?” She hastily added.

“Thanks Ella.” Chloe reached out for a hug only for Ella to step away and wag a disapproving finger at her.

“Oh no, you have to _earn_ that privilege again after your grievous betrayal.”

“I haven’t been given any replacement handcuffs yet.” Chloe reminded her.

Ella looked at her consideringly and then with a grin she lunged forward and wrapped her arms around Chloe.

“Good luck and _knock him dead.”_

* * *

Chloe spent the rest of the day at work thinking over what she would say to Lucifer. With no new cases, she had texted him earlier telling him he didn’t need to come in. That was of course after she spent five minutes just staring at the texts she had sent the previous night and wishing that lightening would strike her. Before his reply came through she sent another text asking whether she could speak to him at Lux that evening. The ‘typing’ icon under his name disappeared for a moment before returning and being shortly followed by a reply.

_Lucifer: Of course._

Chloe winced. No emojis was a pretty bad sign. Maybe he was upset about how she had treated him that morning? She wouldn’t blame him. She had invaded his personal space and then blamed him for it.

The rest of the day seemed to drag on endlessly, and with only the most mundane of paperwork to do, Chloe couldn’t help but let her thoughts linger on what she was going to say to Lucifer when she saw him. Ella was right. The longer she tried to ignore her feelings, the worse it would be for both her and him. They deserved to get everything out in the open before Drunk Chloe escalated the situation more than she already had.

When they end of the day finally came, Chloe gathered up her things and mentally thanked Dan for taking Trixie away for the week to spend time with his parents. Her perceptive little monkey would have known straight away there was something wrong. If she dealt with Lucifer now, then hopefully regardless of the outcome of their conversation, she would have come to terms with it by the time Trixie returned.

Riding up the elevator to the penthouse, she found herself nervously wrangling her hands, thoughts constantly returning to that morning. Her nerves didn’t get any better when she finally stepped out and came face-to-face with Lucifer. 

Immediately Chloe realised something was wrong. He wasn’t standing in front of her with his normal confidence and swagger. He looked…awkward was the only word for it. He had the dark resigned look of a prisoner facing death row.

“What’s wrong?” She asked immediately, stepping closer to him and glaring around him as though the cause of his upset might present itself.

“What?” He stepped back, a look of incomprehension replacing the apprehensiveness. “Aren’t you…” he briefly met her gaze before looking away again, “aren’t you still angry at me?” She didn’t think she had ever heard him sound so unsure.

“No!” Chloe blurted out, “of course not, is that… is that what you were worried about?”

He nodded almost shyly, something she had never imagined on him.

“You idiot.” She said fondly. “I came to apologise to _you_.”

“What?” He only looked more confused. “You don’t have anything to apologise for.”

“I do.” She said shaking her head. “I’ve not exactly been making things easy for you recently. I would say I was giving you mixed messages but that seems like an understatement.” It didn’t look as though that clarified anything for him. Chloe steeled herself and continued. “I’ve been making passes at you, and then pretending it didn’t happen and rejecting you in the morning. That’s not fair to you.”

A light of comprehension came to his eyes, but it didn’t make him look happier. “I understand completely, Detective.” He said, and then promptly proved the opposite. “We all make regrettable mistakes when we’re intoxicated, I can assure you that I don’t expect anything to come from what happened last night.”

“Okay, not what I meant.” Chloe corrected. “Kind of the exact opposite.”

“I don’t follow.” He looked clueless, brows scrunched up adorably in confusion.

At this point, she was seriously thinking it might be easier to go the middle school route with the I like you, do you like me, tick yes or no note. It was perhaps time for more direct action.

Leaning up on her tiptoes ( _why was he so damn tall?_ ), Chloe took hold of the lapels of his jacket to stabilise herself and firmly pressed her lips to his.

Lucifer froze against her, entire body stiffening like a corpse. Oh no, she screwed it up. He would have ticked the no box and she’s just ruined their entire friendship and partnership and-

As though suddenly remembering what to do, he started to kiss her back. His arms that had been hanging limply by his side when she began her assault moved to snake around her waist and pull her closer. Huh… as a kisser he was certainly living up to his own hype. Damn, why hadn’t she tried this sooner?

Eventually, much to her regret, Chloe had to pull away to breathe. Less willing to end the kiss so soon, Lucifer’s lips chased hers until she finally had to push him away with a breathless giggle.

“So, the opposite?” Lucifer asked after clearing his throat.

“Exactly.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest. For someone who flinched whenever her daughter showed him affection, he was surprisingly comfy to cuddle against.

“Does this mean we’re doing the dating thing? Because I have to warn you, I’m probably useless at it.”

Chloe laughed. “Can’t be worse than me. At the end of my last date I ended up in someone else’s bed.”

Lucifer snickered. If she looked up to see his face she imagined he was feeling pretty smug about his petty victory over Richard.

“It won’t be easy.” She warned.

His arms tightened around her. “I didn’t think it would be.”

“There will be a lot of rules, and I know you don’t like those.”

“Like no orgies?”

“ _Definitely_ no orgies.”

“That’s fine, they were getting kind of boring anyway.” He said dismissively, as though it was normal for someone to get bored of group sex. “I’ve never tried monogamy,” he added thoughtfully, “it should be a new and interesting experience. I’m rather looking forward to it. Also I imagine it comes with its own unique benefits I wouldn’t experience otherwise.”

She frowned, unable to think of what sort of experience he was missing out on that he thought he might get with her. “Like what?”

“Like that next time you end up naked in my bed, you might actually be sober enough for me to do something about it.”

Chloe spluttered out an embarrassed laugh and hugged him closer, privately grateful that her own drunken idiocy had been what finally brought them together.

* * *

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the end, I hope you enjoyed this silly little fic. I did consider stretching it to season 3, purely so Pierce and Chloe could drink a celebratory bottle of champagne after the proposal and Drunk Chloe could be like “lol no” and leave to go cuddle Lucifer. She was also going to call Pierce, “Dan 2, the worse sequel to a disappointing debut” because Drunk Chloe just does not care. However as funny as that might have been, I couldn’t really justify stretching it that much. Thank you for all the feedback!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I thought I’d briefly dip my toes into this fandom. So this initially started off as a one-shot, but it ended up a bit too long. Because it broke really nicely into different sections all following a similar theme, I thought I’d split it into separate chapters. It’s all already written, just needs editing, and I’ll update twice a week (total of five chapters). Please don’t take it too seriously, it’s just a silly fluff piece that only loosely follows canon. I hope you enjoy the fic!


End file.
